Depression is a nasty beast.

I like to describe myself as the perfect mix of my mother and father. Those who know my mom say I look just like her, those who knew my dad say I look just like him. However, the older I get, the more I can pick out what I got from each one of them. Today, let's focus on Dad. From him I got my curly hair, my super cute nose, my eye color, fair skin with freckles, my performing abilities and depression.

Before he passed, we had quite a few conversations about our struggles with the chemistry in our brains. How that nasty beast sneaks up on us, little-by-little, without us knowing it, until we don't recognize ourselves or how we let it get that far. We talked about remedies that worked for us, natural and pharmaceutical, physical and spiritual. After he passed, I tried as hard as possible to not let depression get the best of me. Even though it's been a little over 20 months, last night it was brought to my attention that, despite my best efforts, I had failed.

Hearing my husband, lovingly and carefully saying that I was no longer the girl he fell in love with and married officially broke my heart and opened my eyes at the same time. We spent a couple of hours talking about my successes, my failures, things that make my blood boil, and things to be joyful about. After we were done crying and praying, I  read my bible for a bit, then slept harder and better than I have in months, waking up up refreshed, renewed and reinvigorated.

My conclusions:

• I can do nothing on my own, no matter how hard I try. BUT I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. 
• My husband is gosh darn AMAZING. I am SO glad he was made for me, accepts me as I am, loves me unconditionally, supports me in so many things and wants me to be the very best me I was created to be. 
• Part of my problem is my lack of exercise. I need me some endorphins in my life. 
• I need to use my unique gifts more. Judging Miss East Valley last weekend brought me more joy than I've felt in many, many moons. I will make a post about that very soon. 
• Though I have gotten a lot better, I need to let go of hurts. 
• Joy is a choice. Sometimes it's the hardest choice to make, but it's one I am committed to make again. 

Frugal Christmas - Part 1

With the expenses of my father's death that we encurred in early December, our Christmas gift budget became pretty lean, especially since we had just finished paying off the bulk of our debt. I know everyone would've completely understood only getting Christmas cards from us this year, but after how amazing and generous everyone was with our wedding either in travel and time off, donations to our Honeyfund, gifts or all of the above, I couldn't do NOTHING.

Enter Pinterest. Honestly, the best newish thing on the interwebs. I blame my dear friend Molly for my addiction and time wasted as well as all of the stinkin awesome stuff I've made or been inspired to make. I saw a few homemade natural beauty and bath products and figured it was a sign from the Baby Jesus that I was to have a home-crafted Christmas. I decided I'd make some natural hand and body soap, bath salts and a sugar scrub and "wrap" them all in reusable tote bags made from pillowcases. Let me tell you, I had so much fun making all of this stuff that I just had to share it. Plus, these things are super simple to make and would be great for any occasion - in fact, with some of the extras, I gave some away as hostess gifts for the different Christmas parties we went to.

Let's start with containers and wrapping. I hit a local thrift store during a big sale weekend, armed with a 25% off coupon, a great friend and her 2-year-old daughter (who put on ALL of the necklaces hanging on the accessory wall - I may or may not have encouraged it and helped her with a few that she couldn't pull over her head). I'm all about the glass containers. They're reusable, BPA-free and they just look cool. I found a ton of jars (with lids even), lots of different sizes and shapes for $0.29 or $0.49 each. Also came home from that trip with an arm-full of gently-used pillowcases in lots of fun prints and colors. I spent less than $20 on that stuff. That great friend also hooked me up with a case of PERFECT glass bottles with tops to put the soap in. You'll see them in the part 2 and understand why I did a happy dance when she gave them to me.

A few days later, I was at my local supercenter and happened upon a whole shelf of clearance oils. It was like there was a beam of light from Heaven shining down on the four bottles of safflower oil. OK, so it was probably a strange glare from the neon lighting, but still, four bottles of cold-pressed organic safflower oil - on clearance for just a couple of dollars a bottle. I snatched that up like it was the last cupcake at a birthday party. I also picked up a couple of bags of light brown sugar, knowing I had some essential oils at home. The concoction wasn't a science by any means, just threw some brown sugar into the short, squat half-pint jars, covered it with the safflower oil and added a few drops of Lavendar, Sage and Chamomile oils. Hopped on my trusty laptop and designed sme quick labels and, Voila!

Here's a picture of the teeny jar I made for myself. I keep it by my kitchen sink and wash my hands with it after I do dishes and my hands are all dry and icky. It leaves them soft, exfoliated and smelling all pretty!