Sometimes God calls us out of our comfort zone. We all know that, but do we answer that call? Or do we curl up in our comfy little shells and hunker down? Either way, it's easier said than done.
I've been in my hermit shell for quite a while. I was completely unaware of my mental state until my husband sat me down, looked me in the eye, and with all of the love in the world told me that I was spiraling down in clinical depression and he wanted to help me do whatever I needed to go be the person he fell in love with again. I'm ready to answer His call.
I'm in a season of uncertainty and extreme uncomfortableness. We are still walking through the journey of infertility. Month 30 of trying, to be exact. There are family issues, personal issues, ministry development, future planning, possible career path advancement and then just everyday stuff. It's been really overwhelming for me.
After spending some time in prayer, in the Word and in counseling, I can see what's going on now. God is calling me to be uncomfortable to get me to grow. Being stagnant isn't something we were meant to be and it hinders our relationship with our creator.
I am learning how to set healthy boundaries in all areas of my life. It's a really hard thing for me to do, being someone who doesn't like to hurt or offend anyone, but I've come to a point where my mental health and well-being is taking precedence over others.
I am learning how to let go of my own will and plan for my life. I've had a lot of dreams dashed - dreams I have had my entire life, but the sun still shines, the world still turns and I'm still blessed beyond measure. His plan is so much bigger for me than mine is, but keeping that in mind 100% of the time is easier said than done. Sure, it was about 10 years after I thought it would happen, but He brought me the most amazing husband in the entire world, someone He made perfectly for me. He was faithful in that, He will be faithful in giving us a child and healing my depression.
I am learning how much what I say and do and my countenance effects those around me. God has given me a place of influence and a voice that is heard by more than I realize most of the time. Leaning in to Him for what He would have me say and do is something I am not fighting anymore. This life isn't about me, my needs or wants at all, it's about bringing Him glory.
I'm opening up my heart to the fact that uncertainty can be exciting. Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They
are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."" What does the future hold for hubs' career? Will it keep us in Yakima? When will Baby Kingman join us? Will we church plant? Will it be where we have seen it happening? Will family relationships be restored? We don't know the answer to any of those questions, yet. And that's OK.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Monday, February 16, 2015
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Premature Birth Plan
Let me start with the disclaimer that I am not pregnant. I am not in a place where I am desperate to be pregnant (anymore... that's an entirely different post that I should've written in December after the death of my father). We aren't planning to start actively trying to expand our family for a few months. Also, I believe that a woman's birth process is her very own choice and nothing I say here is meant to criticize what anyone and their partner has done or will choose to do for their own body and own child.
I have been extremely interested in pregnancy and birth since I was in high school. I find pregnancy and child-bearing to be the ultimate DIY. I learned as much as I could, and veraciously, during my time working for and with my beloved Isagani Villanueva, MD, OB/GYN. That man was a WEALTH of knowledge, and while he didn't have a vagina or uterus, he sure as heck understood what they were made to do. I guess you'd learn that being in practice as long as he was - while I was working there, he was helping to deliver babies out of women he had once helped deliver. When I told him I was leaving the medical field to enter the corporate world ($$$ & paid insurance), he threw a holy fit. Ten years later, I look back at that moment where he yelled, "You have no future in answering phones! You have such a bright future ahead of you in medicine!" and think, you were absolutely right, Dr. V. I am into my practicums in my medical transcription course and know that I will be extremely happy with my career, my work, and my ability to stay home with our (future) children.
In the above-mentioned practicum, I just finished a group of transcriptions focused on OB/GYN. I have been watching some documentaries on birth in the United States (Pregnant In America & The Business of Being Born - both available on DVD and on Netflix Instant, both have things I agree with and others I am still thinking about and researching), and I have noticed that pregnant women are "following me" wherever I go (even Corey will point them out when he's with me). I have a friend who had a beautiful home birth four months ago, (her birth story is incredible) and is planning on becoming a doula when she's done having baies herself (Paula, I'm really sad you don't live closer to me!) and has a "birthy board" on Pinterest that I stalk daily.
With all of that said, it has me thinking about when we DO get pregnant. I know this is WAY more than most women in the U.S. think about even when they ARE pregnant, but it's one of my passions in life. I know I was created to be a mother and to take care of any children God blesses me with. Most people who know me know that I am a bit "crunchy" or "hippie" and me saying these things about my preferences wont really surprise them, but I need to get it out.
Epidural
Almost 29 years ago, my mother gave birth to me with no pain medication. I have long been terrified of this type of anesthesia. My first concern is that ANY kind of pain medication makes me violently ill. Any time I've been in the Emergency Room, they give me a steady drip of anti-nausea medication simultaneously (making me groggy and sleepy), and as soon as they take that anti-nausea med away, I'm vomiting like a sorority girl at rush. I don't want my vomiting to be the first thing our baby hears, nor do I want to be passed out for the first few hours of our child's life (missing crutial bonding time and figuring out how to do the whole breastfeeding thing).
Not to mention the benefits of moving around for the best positioning of the baby in my body and the natural pain relief that provides. The lack of epidural also helps the mama's body to do what it was created to do - birth that child.
You can read about the benefits and some side effects here. For me, my current research, and my gut feeling point to not having an epidural. The only time I will say allow one to be placed would be if there is a severe medical reason for me to have one, AFTER all other methods had failed.
Pitocin
One thing I LOVED about Dr. V was that he was "old school". He knew that babies would come when they were good and ready. He very rarely scheduled vacations, always had his pager with him on the golf course and would often come into the office in the morning directly from the hospital across the street, where he had been up all night with a laboring mother. He was the first person to tell me that if there was no major medical issue with the mama or the baby, there was no reason to administer a synthetic hormone (Pitocin) instead of letting their body produce it (oxytoicn) naturally.
I recognize that there are times when Pitocin is necessary - when labor is stalled and Mom and her uterus are tired, when there is a uterine hemmorhage and the uterus needs to contract quickly to save the mother's life and uterus, and the list goes on. Personally, I am just anti-scheduled-induction. There are several side effects of the drug, the most terrifying to me would be the fact that it intensifies the uterine contractions to a point where most women find them unbearable and therefore cave to the pressure of pain meds and epidurals. You can read more about the side effects here. There are MANY more sites with great info on "Pit", but this one was an easy read and had good citations.
Cytotec (misoprostol)
Where in the world do I begin? Induction is very rarely needed. When it is, Pitocin is a great drug. Cytotec, however, is NOT. It has NOT been approved by the FDA for use in pregnant women and has been linked to MANY uterine ruptures, and maternal and fetal deaths. DO NOT LET A PRACTICIONER COME NEAR YOU AND YOUR CHILD WITH THIS DRUG! If your practitioner talks to you about using a pharmaceutical product to ripen your cervix, please make sure it is not Cytotec or the generic name, Misoprostol.
Other things I will make sure Corey and my doula or birth coach know to help me be heard about:
I have been extremely interested in pregnancy and birth since I was in high school. I find pregnancy and child-bearing to be the ultimate DIY. I learned as much as I could, and veraciously, during my time working for and with my beloved Isagani Villanueva, MD, OB/GYN. That man was a WEALTH of knowledge, and while he didn't have a vagina or uterus, he sure as heck understood what they were made to do. I guess you'd learn that being in practice as long as he was - while I was working there, he was helping to deliver babies out of women he had once helped deliver. When I told him I was leaving the medical field to enter the corporate world ($$$ & paid insurance), he threw a holy fit. Ten years later, I look back at that moment where he yelled, "You have no future in answering phones! You have such a bright future ahead of you in medicine!" and think, you were absolutely right, Dr. V. I am into my practicums in my medical transcription course and know that I will be extremely happy with my career, my work, and my ability to stay home with our (future) children.
In the above-mentioned practicum, I just finished a group of transcriptions focused on OB/GYN. I have been watching some documentaries on birth in the United States (Pregnant In America & The Business of Being Born - both available on DVD and on Netflix Instant, both have things I agree with and others I am still thinking about and researching), and I have noticed that pregnant women are "following me" wherever I go (even Corey will point them out when he's with me). I have a friend who had a beautiful home birth four months ago, (her birth story is incredible) and is planning on becoming a doula when she's done having baies herself (Paula, I'm really sad you don't live closer to me!) and has a "birthy board" on Pinterest that I stalk daily.
With all of that said, it has me thinking about when we DO get pregnant. I know this is WAY more than most women in the U.S. think about even when they ARE pregnant, but it's one of my passions in life. I know I was created to be a mother and to take care of any children God blesses me with. Most people who know me know that I am a bit "crunchy" or "hippie" and me saying these things about my preferences wont really surprise them, but I need to get it out.
Epidural
Almost 29 years ago, my mother gave birth to me with no pain medication. I have long been terrified of this type of anesthesia. My first concern is that ANY kind of pain medication makes me violently ill. Any time I've been in the Emergency Room, they give me a steady drip of anti-nausea medication simultaneously (making me groggy and sleepy), and as soon as they take that anti-nausea med away, I'm vomiting like a sorority girl at rush. I don't want my vomiting to be the first thing our baby hears, nor do I want to be passed out for the first few hours of our child's life (missing crutial bonding time and figuring out how to do the whole breastfeeding thing).
Not to mention the benefits of moving around for the best positioning of the baby in my body and the natural pain relief that provides. The lack of epidural also helps the mama's body to do what it was created to do - birth that child.
You can read about the benefits and some side effects here. For me, my current research, and my gut feeling point to not having an epidural. The only time I will say allow one to be placed would be if there is a severe medical reason for me to have one, AFTER all other methods had failed.
Pitocin
One thing I LOVED about Dr. V was that he was "old school". He knew that babies would come when they were good and ready. He very rarely scheduled vacations, always had his pager with him on the golf course and would often come into the office in the morning directly from the hospital across the street, where he had been up all night with a laboring mother. He was the first person to tell me that if there was no major medical issue with the mama or the baby, there was no reason to administer a synthetic hormone (Pitocin) instead of letting their body produce it (oxytoicn) naturally.
I recognize that there are times when Pitocin is necessary - when labor is stalled and Mom and her uterus are tired, when there is a uterine hemmorhage and the uterus needs to contract quickly to save the mother's life and uterus, and the list goes on. Personally, I am just anti-scheduled-induction. There are several side effects of the drug, the most terrifying to me would be the fact that it intensifies the uterine contractions to a point where most women find them unbearable and therefore cave to the pressure of pain meds and epidurals. You can read more about the side effects here. There are MANY more sites with great info on "Pit", but this one was an easy read and had good citations.
Cytotec (misoprostol)
Where in the world do I begin? Induction is very rarely needed. When it is, Pitocin is a great drug. Cytotec, however, is NOT. It has NOT been approved by the FDA for use in pregnant women and has been linked to MANY uterine ruptures, and maternal and fetal deaths. DO NOT LET A PRACTICIONER COME NEAR YOU AND YOUR CHILD WITH THIS DRUG! If your practitioner talks to you about using a pharmaceutical product to ripen your cervix, please make sure it is not Cytotec or the generic name, Misoprostol.
Other things I will make sure Corey and my doula or birth coach know to help me be heard about:
- Episiotomy - don't come near my perineum with that scalpel.
- Augmentation - I want to be allowed to labor as long as by body needs with augmentation only when emergently necessary. My body is not on your hospital's schedule.
- Hold my baby immediately following the birth and breastfeed as soon as possible, postponing procedures that aren't necessary.
- Vitamin K injection for baby - DO NOT inject that into my child.
- Eye "drops" ointment in baby's eyes - No go. My husband and I don't have the clap, neither will the baby's eyes.
- Supplemental feeding - Not going to happen.
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